The Secret of Happiness

Posted on 1st April, 2009 by Karen Martin – National Council for Hypnotherapy website

There’s been a lot of guff written about happiness in recent times. On the one hand, you’ve got the positive thinking gurus peddling their often simplistic fast track to deep joy and on the other you’ve got the doom-mongers telling us we’re richer, healthier and unhappier than we’ve ever been.

Despite being somewhat cynical about the way happiness is regarded as the panacea for all ills, I confess to being part of the industry which promotes it as a life-affirming goal. Some see happiness as sentimental dream or fleeting fantasy. But I realise through my work as a hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner that it is possible to create a happy state of mind and spread a little of this magical ingredient.

What makes you happy is only relevant to you. A loving partnership and strong friendships are more highly prized than material things by most of us. It’s a given that happiness is not necessarily about millions in the bank, a yacht on the Med or any of those affluent trappings. Many are the tales of how lottery winners lose their friends, community, identity and even their loved ones over arguments about new found loot.

There’s no question, cash equals freedom of choice. More to the point, earning it equals a healthy sense of self worth which no trust fund kid will ever know (hence the less than life-enhancing addictions that often fill the gaps in their lives).

In a wealthy western culture, few of us go hungry or lack material goods. The poorest and most disadvantaged have access to housing, healthcare, education, the welfare state, iPods, mobiles and flat screen TVs.

What makes the starving happy is a good meal. It takes more than that to sate an emotionally starved but nutritionally nourished appetite. Whilst not life-threatening, such a condition undermines energy, motivation and focus, impairing the ability to set and achieve goals. High flyers in both primitive and technological societies often start out the hungriest and succeed simply because they try harder.

So it seems that the old fashioned Protestant principle of good old hard graft leads to a very secular kind of satisfaction. And being a bit peckish is no bad thing. It makes those little snacks in life so much more tasty. In this indulgent era of comfort and excess, those who make an effort and choose energy over inertia, those who curb their appetite enough to truly savour all that is plentiful and those who take the time to nurture their loved ones are the winners in the happiness stakes.

See for information about hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner Karen Martin. She is a confidence and weight control specialist who is also in great demand in Tunbridge Wells, Kent and surrounding areas by sufferers of conditions including anxiety, addictions and phobias. A member of The National Council for Hypnotherapy, she has also trained in CBT.


Why train as a hypnotherapist?

Trevor Wales – 12th February 2017

Why undertake hypnotherapy training? A career as a hypnotherapist can be very rewarding….. to know that you are making a positive difference to people’s lives. Sometimes it can be challenging with many twists and turns along the way, but, those challenges are often the most satisfying… know that you have helped another along the path of life.

Sometimes you may feel elated, because there is a real sense of satisfaction and joy in knowing that you have helped someone change the course of their lives, sometimes you may full feel full of energy and excitement, and sometimes you may be challenged and have to go that extra mile. The hours can be long, or just a few a week, but you set your own goals and agenda and you can make it whatever you want it to be.

As long as you have good integrity, good intentions and people’s best interests at heart, your sincerity will always shine out for those who find the time to see what you are about and the ones who need your help,……the ones who you can help complete the jigsaw, or help to put the pieces of their life back together…… or simply move forwards to meet their personal goals, they will seek you out. They will find you.

If you want a new career in a highly rewarding field, get in touch and find out how our Cornwall hypnotherapy training, based in Truro, can help you achieve this with a Professional Diploma in Hypnotherapy.

How Can I Be More Confident?

Posted in Psychology Today. Author: Elizabeth Lombardo Ph.D. – Posted Jan 18, 2017

There is a sense for many that confidence is like a magic pill. When you take that prescription, you will feel better—about yourself, your abilities, your life.

Here’s the deal: The way you view yourself is central to every interaction you have—with other people, with every experience, even within your own head. And yet, it is not so much about quantity—having more confidence—as it is about quality.

What do I mean by that?

When you look at how you view yourself—your self-worth—there are really two ways to do it, conditionally and unconditionally.

Conditional self-worth refers to believing in yourself if, as in, “I will feel good about myself if…:

… I lose weight.”
… I feel superior to others.”
… others agree with me.”
… I make a certain amount of money.”
… I win and others lose.”

There is a sense that “I am OK if” these external events take place. But without the external praise, agreement, or deference, you do not feel good about yourself.

A dichotomous perspective is present, as in “me versus them,” “Either I am better or you are better,” “If I win, you lose, and if you win, then I lose.” With conditional self-worth comes a lot of comparisons. And egos are rather fragile. Any “feedback” you hear (how you could do better at work, a partner asking you to do things differently, a friend sharing her ideas about your wardrobe) is interpreted as a personal attack.

Research has shown that the more time someone spends on Facebook, the more likely one is to feel down. Why? In my clinical judgment, I would say the answer is conditional self-worth. Facebook users look at others’ posts featuring seemingly perfect families, vacations, pets, homes, and lives, and feel as though they fall short, that they are “less than” others.

Does that sound familiar? How much do you base how you view yourself on other people’s accomplishments, reactions, or what society “says” is good?

And, if you were honest with yourself, how helpful do you find that? If you are like most people, you feel a consistent need to be better, do more, get more accolades—and never feel fully satisfied. It can be exhausting.

Conditional self-worth is at near-epidemic proportions in our culture. The growing frequency of bullying is a great example, whether in person or online. Putting someone else down is an attempt to feel better about yourself. And while it may help temporarily, it does nothing to boost true confidence in a healthy and helpful way.

When you base your self-worth on conditions, you are at increased risk for depression, anxiety, stress, relationship problems, health issues, difficulties at work, and a host of other issues.

In contrast, unconditional self-worth occurs when you believe in yourself independent of others. This does not make you a narcissist. In fact, narcissism is based on conditional self-worth, because narcissists are constantly comparing themselves to others and trying to make sure they are better.

Instead, unconditional self-worth refers to believing in yourself not because of external events, but rather because of who you are on the inside. It is based on focusing on those values, strengths, and core characteristics most important to you.

When you live from a place of unconditional self-worth, you are at greater peace with yourself and others. Rather than comparing yourself to others to see where you rank, you are comfortable in your own skin. You can be truly happy for others’ successes without feeling they are better than you. You can hear and accept feedback without taking it as a personal attack. You have the mindset, “I am good, and I can keep getting better.” You also don’t personalize other people’s reactions.

A great example of the difference between conditional and unconditional self-worth can be seen in incidents of road rage. According to the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, 80 percent of U.S. drivers admit to having expressed anger, aggression, or road rage at least once in the previous year.

Why? One reason has to do with conditional self-worth: When someone with conditional self-worth is cut off on the road, there is a personalization, a sense that, “He did that to me because he is being disrespectful to me.” That interpretation causes a jab to the ego, resulting in anger or hurt.

In contrast, someone with unconditional self-worth who has a car cut in front of him will not personalize the other person’s driving. Sure, it might be seen as unsafe, but not as a personal attack.


Hello world!

Welcome to The Cornwall School of Hypnotherapy. This is our first post! We will share interesting articles here, as well as updates regarding the school. Things are beginning to move quickly forward with getting the school up and running, so bookmark us and we will keep you posted!